Saturday, February 13, 2021

Biocomplexity: The Third Infinity...Prologue (Part 1 of 2)

We have here the latest (hopefully last) version of the prologue to my book-length treatise The Demeaning of Life, now entitled Biocomplexity: The Third Infinity. I’ll be presenting it in two parts…this is some pretty rich food-for-thought. ◦◦◦◦◦ The subtitle, I should explain, refers to seventeenth century mathematician and philosopher Rene Pascal’s positioning of humankind between two infinities—the infinitely small and the infinitely large. Others have subsequently proposed a “third infinity”—the infinitely complex, as encountered in nature. ◦◦◦◦◦ This is a significant rewrite of the opening to what started out as a lengthy essay, began in 2012. (If I may say so, it’s very much improved.) The subject? Wellll…it’s complicated. In ten-words-or-less, it’s about The Meaning of Life. More to the point, I draw attention to the notion that the whole of life—the “phenomenon” of living matter—is in serious need of revision. Fact of the matter is, no one really knows what life is…much less, how it got started, why it works so well and why there’s so much of it. With time’s passage, science has come to rely almost exclusively on truly astonishing technologies. But as we probe deeper and deeper into what were once rank mysteries, biology has veered away from its original focus—the study of living organisms—turning into almost a sub-branch of both chemistry and physics. With ever-greater attention on minutiae, driven by data mass collection, biologists have gradually lost sight of the bigger picture. Their findings have revealed that the degree of complexity and sophistication we see throughout nature can no longer be viewed as a product of randomness and chance. Natural selection is not the sole driver of evolution. And no one has the slightest clue about how life began in the first place. Drafts of chapters I’ve posted previously explore these things and more, adding layers to my argument that the entire field of biology is in need of a reboot. ◦◦◦◦◦ From the last paragraph of this prologue:  “With an approach emulating Darwin’s Origin of Species, this work too boils down to ‘one long argument,’ bringing together a range of up-to-date information and evidence from many scientific fields as fodder for thoughtful speculation. Its objective: to present an alternative way of looking at the natural world.”

Prologue.  Problem? What Problem? (Part 1)


The reality of organic systems is vastly untidy. If only their parts were all distinct, with specific functions for each! Alas, these systems are not like machines. Our human minds have as little intuitive feeling for organic complexity as they do for quantum physics.   

         Randolph Nesse

SCIENCE MAY WELL BE HUMANITY’S greatest innovation, extending perception of the observable universe beyond what we can see and touch to encompass the infinitely small and inconceivably distant. In the broadest sense, “science” is a mode of thought, a process of inquiry, an intellectual tool. We need reminding from time to time that science as we know it has been around for only a few hundred years—not long at all, especially when you take into account the prodigious accomplishments of cultures that existed for millennia prior to sixteenth-century Europe’s Scientific Revolution. And while most of us have a solid sense of what science is, it can be hard to put that understanding into words. After all, science’s origins—even how to define the word—have been subject to endless debate. (Scholars still argue over matters like Who deserves most credit for ushering in the modern era?) Amazingly, it wasn’t until the early nineteenth century that science’s so-called modern era begin to take shape, with all its familiar professional institutions and conventions and arcane terminology in place. And then things took off in earnest: in no time at all ordinary human beings deconstructed atomic nuclei, probed the far reaches of space, and began to dream of other universes. Nuclear physicists have identified scores of short-lived subatomic particles, with no end in sight. At the other end of the spectrum, a telescope in low Earth orbit transmits digital information back to the surface to be converted into photographic images like the one showing hundreds of galaxies that look like fuzzy stars, galaxies so distant they appear as they would have looked shortly after the Big Bang. Monumental endeavors like these have come to seem almost commonplace. Strange, that we seldom pause to think about just how remarkable it all is. All of it. All thanks to science and hard working scientists. 

And us (that is, humans)—sole surviving lineage of an evolutionary experiment that may or may not stand the test of time. Our primal ancestors just showed up one day; a new species of mid-sized mammal that fashioned its own niche by standing on two legs, freeing up the hands. They hunted, gathered, and scavenged much like other animals but lacking sharp teeth and claws had to rely on their wits to survive, resulting in a burst of evolutionary innovation. These proto-humans learned how to learn. Grunts and growls morphed into language and song. Their dexterous hands were seldom idle and the cleverest among them stumbled on novel ways of doing and making. Tools were contrived, fire tamed. Over time, some of their daily activities came to have little connection with procuring food or otherwise helping ensure survival—music and art, for instance. Against odds a few small bands persisted and eventually thrived. Generation after generation passed on to their young the experiential wisdom they’d acquired. And now, thanks entirely to descendents of our early forbears, we have microwave ovens, GPS navigation, and digital-everythings at our disposal. Contemporary versions of those distant relatives perform arthroscopic surgeries and design transgenic food crops. We discovered ways to harvest the energy of the atom and transform entire landscapes to suit our needs—even figured out how to build better mousetraps. 

Again, this vast reservoir of scientific know-how was gained practically overnight, mostly through the efforts of regular people working in labs and observatories or out in the field, driven by sheer curiosity and that uniquely human desire to know. To understand. Today, the fruits of our highly advanced technologies, developed over mere decades, are widely available to the unwashed masses—things our great-grandparents would never have imagined possible. (My mother’s mother, born shortly before the first airplane flight, watched men walk on the moon…and then saw thirty more summers.) But as for us: life in the twenty-first century makes it even harder to fathom just how far we’ve come as a species since those strange arboreal primates warily emerged from a forest somewhere in East Africa, squinting in the harsh light there at the edge of their first New World. How could it be that in only six million years or so—minutes, in geologic time—bipedal ape-like creatures with opposable thumbs went from crafting crude stone implements to fabricating microchips and reusable rocket ships? Amazing. But it was the gift of one particular invention—science—that made such things a reality. 

Hi-tech wonders aside, the imaginative use of standard scientific techniques can yield startling, unanticipated discoveries. Just think: chemical analysis of two completely unrelated materials (mineral deposits in caves and minute air bubbles trapped in ancient polar ice) has allowed meteorologists to recreate primordial atmospheres and paleoclimates. By splicing a human gene containing instructions for producing insulin onto bacterial DNA and then cultivating these genetically modified microbes in vats, single-celled organisms are in effect turned into chemical factories. And now we receive accurate—accurate!—seven-day weather forecasts, available around the clock thanks to that pocket-sized computer no one leaves home without. Near-miracles like these are legion. Human ingenuity appears to be almost without limit.

But there’s another side to this story. All our stunning technical achievements, placed alongside an equally impressive stock of hard-won knowledge: the sum total shines a spotlight on certain pivotal questions—questions thus far stubbornly resistant to scientific inquiry. Some notable examples: 

Atomic matter—that is, what our world is made of—accounts for a mere five percent of the universe’s mass-energy. The other ninety-five percent consists of unknown, undetectable forms of matter (“dark matter”) and energy (“dark energy”). 

Scientists still have little more than vague notions of how life sprang into existence (notwithstanding the buoyant claims of science writers and pundits who routinely assure us that answers to this age old mystery are at hand). Competing theories based on surmise and wishful thinking are treated as established fact. Attempts to create artificial life have essentially gone nowhere but, ditto the confident claims.

Human consciousness. Despite steady progress in areas such as the mapping of brain circuits, measuring their activity, and pinpointing the mechanics of memory storage, consciousness remains a persistent mystery—the deepest riddle of all. 

As for the life sciences: we’ve yet to determine the basis of biological form and pattern (for instance, why fingers and toes come in threes, fours, or fives but never sevens). And as to how species diverge, or even what constitutes a species—there’s still no widespread consensus on such key topics. Many evolutionary processes are still poorly understood and subject to heated debate. 

These issues share a common thread. Namely: the “problem” of biological complexity. Problem? What problem? Thanks in part to an ever-increasing capacity to generate and process mountains of data, contemporary researchers find that the study of life is growing more complicated with each passing year—particularly at molecular scales. The latest findings of biochemists and molecular biologists reveal layered intricacies their predecessors never anticipated. Incredible as this may seem, leading biologists of the mid-1800s believed cells to be little more than shapeless, unstructured containers filled with water or slime. But even now, the ways cells interact with their neighbors, how cells coordinate their specific roles in tissues and organs, certain aspects of their most elementary properties: basic matters like these still present explanatory hurdles. The same goes for the macro level and on up the ladder of life’s vast web of interdependence. Here, too, ecologists stare down another seemingly bottomless well of multiplying complexities. Their studies frequently reveal unforeseen connections—at all levels, at all scales. Nothing in biology is as straightforward as once imagined. Nothing.

There’s no end to the mind-boggling intricacy associated with each and every aspect of the natural world. Of course, biology isn’t alone in this regard; each scientific field has its own complications and unresolved problems. And every discipline has its own way of approaching them. Physicists, for instance, face the unsettling prospect that subatomic particles may not be the ultimate material division. And whatever it is that matter comprises will most likely remain beyond experimentation (or, worse, beyond comprehension). Likewise, biologists—unable to establish the precise point where chemistry, physics, and that enigmatic spark of life converge—may never settle on a definitive foundation for their own field. This built-in ambiguity sets biology apart from most of the other physical sciences. Where does the study of life even begin? 

Analogies shed light on complicated matters, making hard things easier to grasp. For example, there’s this time-honored simile dating from the seventeenth century: Organisms are like wonderful machines. Without question, viewing living things as elaborate machines provides a clearer picture of their multipart structures and interconnected systems. Indeed, many people argue that living things are machines—literally. Others believe this undervalues the extreme degree of functional complexity that all forms of life display; after all, our most advanced machinery pales in comparison to the most primitive mud-dwelling microbe. The sophistication of things like pea pods and feathers and snail shells and ankle joints are simply taken for granted, seldom eliciting the wonder they so richly deserve. Our days are full to overflowing already and we simply can’t spare the time or energy it takes to be astonished by run of the mill miracles. Vital natural processes—a perfect example being the ceaseless, rhythmic beating of our hearts—go unnoticed in much the same way we reflexively tune out distracting noises. 

And so it is that we’re almost forced to ignore the biological version of a Great Truth—right there in front of us, all the time, just waiting to appear as a blinding flash of insight. The gist of its wordless message is this: Life’s true nature is subtle and elusive. Scientists have achieved a basic grasp of its capabilities, yes, but have only a partial awareness of life’s limitations…little insight into how biological order arises from chaos…barely an inkling of what the organism “means.” Our rudimentary conception of what life IS is clouded by faulty assumptions, preconception, and lack of imagination. As a result, the Western scientific tradition’s portrayal of life is flawed—deeply and irrevocably flawed from the bottom up.


END OF PART 1.       ©2021 Tim Forsell        7 Sep 2021

                                    

Sunday, January 3, 2021

Piute Log...Labor Day Weekend 1993

4 Sep (Sat)     Up pre-dawn. Thus begins the big Labor Day weekend visitor onslaught and jam-bo-ree so my goal, as always, is to greet the masses before they commit their minor many crimes. Redtop and I got underway early. Literally tons of people on the trail today. Many small groups mixed in with one randomly dispersed club outing strung out in dribs and drabs over a couple of miles, small clusters and singletons going at their own pace. Their “leader” was that funny old coot with a crooked eye who I met last summer—John Innskeep. (The usual dilemma of deciding Which one do I look into? was moot, since his right eye pointed way down and away.) John’s a trip leader with the CMC—California Mountain Club. Sort of a Sierra Club rival but more focused on peak-climbing. Last year when we met he was by himself as no one had signed up for his trip. This year he got 22 sign-ups and there were no cancellations like there almost always are. So he got permits for two separate groups. Under these circumstances, the two groups are supposed to not camp near each other but, in my experience, usually do anyway. I actually fielded several complaints (well, more like comments) from backpackers. “Hey, ranger, did you see that huge Sierra Club group?” I gave John, heading for Upper Piute and eventually Tower Peak, tips on where to camp and said, “I’ll talk to you later!” (Old ranger trick: helps keep ‘em on their best behavior since the Law might show up again at any time.) ◦◦◦◦◦ Many long talks, from on my high horse or standing on firm terra looking at maps. Did a good job with contacts today; can’t always say that, alas. Had energy and was matching everybody’s expectations with individually tailored ranger jive. Gave everyone time and attention with enthusiasm and sincerity. Answered loads of questions. Many communicated their gratitude to which I sometimes sang out, “Hey! I’m a public servant—you’re paying my salary!” Hokey line but people do seem to appreciate the sentiment. ◦◦◦◦◦ Here comes two more—man followed by a petite woman, a fine looking German shepherd at her side. I spoke to the guy first then glanced over at the woman, eyes invisible behind dark sunglasses but who’s grinning at me fiercely. Recognition. “Well, darn my socks! It’s Marilyn Muse!” (Haven’t seen her since…???) She’s with this friend visiting from Alaska, where they met while she was up there on a temporary FS detail. On their way to Dorothy Lake. Marilyn worked here in Bridgeport for a couple of seasons as an interpreter but moved on, up to Tahoe to take the enviable position of Snow Ranger. She checks out all the commercial ski areas on FS land for lift safety and does avalanche control (recently got her license to work with explosives and is just now being trained to fire the fixed mortars). Skis for free at five areas…first tracks on virgin slopes, tosses grenades onto cornices, probably wears a very cool uniform, the envy of everyone she meets. And she’s the woman for the job, indeed yes. Sage the wonder-dog is a full-on certified Search & Rescue K–9; every so often the pair get on a jet and fly halfway ‘round the world to help locate people trapped in earthquake wreckage, etc. Marilyn is a truly remarkable woman who’s lived a remarkable life—former backcountry ranger, Desolation Wilderness…Eleanor Lake Ranger (Yosemite NP), where she lived in a sprawling house perched above a huge dam on a huge lake which she patrolled by canoe and on foot…Yosemite Valley horse-patrol ranger. Formerly married to the amazing Jim Harper, now a carpenter for Yosemite NP. (He was the guy in charge of rebuilding the avalanched Wilma Lake cabin a couple years back, last time I saw him.) Those two were Tuolumne Meadows Winter Rangers for something like six seasons. Along in there somewhere they also spent a summer as the sole backcountry rangers in Gates of the Arctic NP/Preserve up in northern Alaska where they carried rifles ‘cuz of grizzlies. (I vividly recall her telling me once how they only saw two people the entire season and that it rained almost every day.) More than perhaps any woman I’ve known, Marilyn went for quality-of-life and adventure over family, fiscal security, and status. We’d probably be great friends but this one can be hard to take in long doses—a bundle of raw nervous energy, she talks real fast without completing sentences (or thoughts). Way too over-sensitive…candidly cops to being completely mad…suffers from irrational and vexing doubts and fears and wild waverings, poor thing. But so good-hearted and genuine. Marilyn was one of a handful of cherished “Foresta friends” during my Yosemite years. Her lovely home burned in the A-Rock fire three years back. Jim designed and built the place, which was absolutely gorgeous. She lived there alone after the divorce and told me she just can’t face going back. I get that. Don’t know what she’ll do when Sage goes, how she’ll manage it; shepherds don’t usually live to a ripe old age and Sage is already eight. That dog is her world, near as I can tell. ◦◦◦◦◦  Speakin’ of dogs: earlier in the day, my horse—with me on board—were fully attacked by a dog. (Ironically, a German shepherd.) This was definitely a first for me. Rode up on a young couple with two big dogs. The guy was clipping the leash on one when the shepherd attacked, without any warning whatsoever. He was just calmly looking us over as we rode up but all of a sudden charged, barking and snarling, flashin’ ivory. Red went all Hi-Ho-Silver! on me, got up on his rears and danced around, the humans standing there in shock crying feebly, “No! No, stop!” Red reared again, rank terror in his rolled-back eyes, whites showing. Never good, when you see those white bits. I saw where his gaze went and looked over my shoulder. The dog had a hold of Red’s tail—lips peeled back, mouth fulla horse hair, growling and shaking his head the way dogs do when you try to take away their stuffed-animal play toy. Red spun to the left then spun to the right, dragging the dog around in tight arcs. (Might’ve even been airborne at times, or maybe I’m just imaging that….) I was saying to myself, Do it, Red! Do it! Now! LAUNCH HIM! But nobody ever taught this sweet-tempered horse how to kick so the dog lived. Eventually he gave up, trotted back over to his “masters” and flopped down with that canine-esque smug look of accomplishment. I shouted some things after him that were, ahem, not very professional of me then turned to the couple. Of course they said, all whiny, “He’s never done anything like this before!” That universal excuse for bad-dog behavior. Heard it before. “Don’t matter!” sez the ranger. I was pumped-up on adrenaline and came down on them pretty hard. Said, not bothering to point out that I could easily have been hurt bad or killed outright, “What happens when Fido there attacks the horse some total greenhorn’s riding, one of those pack station outings, and an innocent person gets thrown into a pile of sharp rocks? You’d feel pretty bad, wouldn’t you?” Also, informed them that many horses and any red-blooded mule would’ve sent their friend straight to doggy heaven with one swift kick. “The rule is: ‘Dogs must be under control at all times.’ That can be verbal control. But YOUR dog, plainly, is NOT under control.” Finally lightened up toward the end as my adrenaline wore off but I left those two pretty wilted. They looked visibly shrunken. ◦◦◦◦◦ After meeting so many people on the trail, decided to ride all the way out to the campground and ask Estella to stop issuing permits for the rest of the day. Chatted with her and Bill [camp hosts], anxiously hoping Red wouldn’t take a big dump right in front of their trailer. ◦◦◦◦◦ To the pack station, dropped off mail, and was headed back upcanyon at 3:30. Not many folks on the way in but it was too late by then to visit Fremont Lake as planned. Home at dusk. Had my river bath in full dark and gobbled some cold leftovers. A long day.

 

           →  92 visitors, 40 encounters (personal record, I believe)        →  600’ lopped       

                        →  1 lb. trash bits             →  22 miles             →  dog attack!

 

5 Sep (Sun)     Up at 6:00, grudgingly. Movin’ slow…feeling kinda washed out, no surprise there. Got a later start today and headed for Cinko Lake, hoping to catch everybody moving on beyond Fremont. Only one camp at Cinko, one on the West Fork (unoccupied), and none at Long Lakes. Hello??! Anybody home?Where’d everybody go? On down to Fremont Lake by the backdoor trail and found it nearly deserted. Amazing! They all must’ve packed up and left in a big hurry this morn. ◦◦◦◦◦ Stopped in at Bart’s basecamp and got myself invited to dinner with the Wild Bunch. The “Amenti party” is an extended family group with friends who come up every year, varying permutations around a core group of thirty-something siblings and their spouses. (I started calling them “the Wild Bunch” following our first dinner encounter…a story recounted elsewhere in this log.) Fun people, smart people, happy campers all. I’d planned to check in yesterday. This year’s crowd a more, shall we say, “sedate” version. Nice visit and great camp-made chow by backcountry chef Lynn: roast pork, prawns sautéed with garlic and mushrooms (ate a giant pile of them suckas, yum), rice, fresh-baked reflector-oven rolls, steamed veggies, apple pie. Yowza! I was ready for it. No flaming cocktails this year. ◦◦◦◦◦ Moon finally arrived around 10:30. Good thing—planned on using it. Almost everybody had gone to bed by then (early rise for departure). Saddled Red, flashlight between my teeth. Stellar ride home. Moon topped the trees right as we left. Crisp, not cold…a pleasant buzz on. One utterly riveting vignette as we were gliding along the shore of Upper Long Lake: Luna coursing behind pines on the ridge line, their perfect reflections cast on the skinny lake together with ten thousand stars…silhouetted bushes and trees swiftly passing in the foreground as I rode along. Layers of night-dreamy scenery moving past one another at different rates of speed, the foreground faster, background slower, but all together in flowing unison. Aside from the sound of horse hooves’ soothing clompity-clomp, totally silent and still…haunting silence and stillness, lake a glassy mirror, light from the heavens above. A most beautiful movie to watch from the saddle. I love love love riding by moonlight! One of the very best things of all. Cabin just before midnight.

 

          →  33 visitors, 11 encounters              →  3 lbs. trash                →  700’ lopped 

              → 18½ miles            →  very first yellow aspen leaves!  

 

 

            ©2021Tim Forsell                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Friday, January 1, 2021

Telegram from the Universe

James Wilson and I had been casually acquainted for thirty-some years but, prior to setting out on a five-day backpack trip along the crest of the Inyo Mountains, had never spent time together—just us two. James, a successful local business owner, was a self-possessed, intelligent, and thoughtful man with varied interests. I was looking forward to what I knew would be some high quality conversation, long overdue. But in many regards we barely knew one another. Five days alone together would change that.

Just minutes into our long walk we took the first of many trailside breaks, dropping our heavy packs and flopping down on the ground for a sip of water and bite to eat. Neither of us had spoken a word since starting out. We made small talk for a few minutes but then I launched directly into something meatier, a matter that had been weighing on my mind for some time. I just blurted it out: “Uhh, James…do you have any particular thoughts on the origin of life? Any pet theories?” 

A little back-story may be in order here, on the off chance that these might sound like odd things to ask someone I didn’t know all that well, without any warning. 

Around this time I’d taken up reading books about biogenesis—the origin of life—a topic that has intrigued me since I first looked into it. How did life begin? From the very beginning, though, I’ve been shocked by how top experts gloss over the competing theories’ obvious flaws…disturbed by the wild assumptions and logical leaps and scientists taking too many liberties with their best-guessing. The entire field of biogenesis research is fraught with impossible to prove notions and paradoxical chicken-or-egg-type dilemmas…thought-provoking stuff, indeed. Since everything in nature is linked to everything else, the life sciences tend to get messy; thanks to there always being a host of intersecting variables, experiments in areas like ecology can be challenging to set up and hypotheses, difficult to either confirm or refute. Compared to your “typical” scientific theories the predominant origin-of-life scenarios have a distinctly unscientific lack of substance and rigor. Most are based on pure surmise, which isn’t surprising given that no one has any idea what global conditions were like three-and-a-half billion years ago. Plus, there’s virtually no evidence left behind that could support the models. But this was all new to me at the time and there were many nagging questions. I’d been hankering for someone to toss ideas around with and James Wilson, all-around nature lover, seemed like just the sort who’d be interested in such things. 

            The response to my out of the blue query was not quite what I’d expected. Just then, James was gazing off into the distance. After a momentary pause he half turned toward me, eyes askance, lips pressed into an inscrutable Mona Lisa smile. With no sense as to whether or not the topic held any interest for him, here’s one response that wouldn’t have surprised me in the least: “No, not really…I really haven’t given it much thought. Why?” But this is what James said instead: “Oh. [short pause] You’re a seeker.” His flat tone conveyed just a hint of shock or surprise or what could even have been something indicating mild annoyance. The delicate emphasis on “seeker” carried a faint whiff of sarcasm. It’s entirely possible that I misread him. But James did seem ever-so-slightly vexed—maybe from being caught off guard by such a “heavy” question; surprised that I’d thought to ask for his opinion, surprised that I’d think it was something he’d ever given any thought. Maybe a bit startled to discover that I was one of those types who waste their time thinking about things best left alone. This, at least, was my immediate impression. (Truth be told, I had asked the questions somewhat rhetorically just to gauge his response.) There was nothing disparaging in James’s reply but it contained a subtle intimation that he wasn’t interested in pursuing the topic further. We moved on to other things. But I’ve never forgotten this exchange—it struck a nerve.

The point of all this is that smart, well-informed, curious people aren’t automatically predisposed to probe life’s deepest mysteries. My own philosophical bent, on the other hand, blossomed at a tender age. With me it seems to be part of a package deal—chalk it up to an innate proclivity, to my native disposition. There might well be a genetic component though no one in my family is similarly afflicted. I feel no pride at being an incurable ponderer of enigmas and unknowables. And don’t see my penchant for suchlike as having virtuous or noble qualities. If anything, it’s more along the line of a quirk, an eccentricity. Some would no doubt find it annoying. Compulsive rumination has drawbacks and can lead to problems (chronic cynicism being one common side effect). Like most over-thinkers, I’m always happy to raise my glass to the absurd and farcical side of human endeavor—and sometimes even remember to toast my own follies. 

Now and then, circumstances call on me to poke fun at my tendency to veer off into philosophical realms, maybe to spoil a perfectly good conversation: As if from a distance, I hear the sound of pontificating, catch myself and stop cold. At which point I’ll assume an exaggerated, self-important professorial demeanor and tone of voice, and say something like, “Well, as a certified philostopher, I believe that….” Or some such nonsense. Philostopher? Frank Zappa, the late composer, musician, iconoclast, and social commentator, invented this useful term. (Zappa, arch cynic that he was, never passed up an opportunity to deride any kind of pretense.) What exactly does a philostopher do? Why, a philostopher philostophizes, of course! In my adult form, tinkering with the Larger Questions is more or less a form of idle play, an intellectual diversion. Something not too far removed from doing Sudoku or the New York Times crossword puzzle. This, then, is philostophizing—a leisure pursuit. On the other hand, I’ve learned that philostophizing is not an entirely fruitless activity. Which is gratifying to know. 

In contrast, my youthful preoccupation with figuring out what the heck was going on had real urgency and for a few years, starting post-puberty, I naïvely expected some answers, dammit! This, followed by the inevitable distress and disenchantment any budding intellectual experiences once it finally becomes clear that, despite all the ardent questing, no answers will be forthcoming. Ever. That came as a real shock to the system and added to my growing teenage disillusionment. Welcome to reality, kid. Not what you were expecting, hunh? Get over it! Nonetheless, over the years I’ve carried on with my quixotic sniffing-around-the-edges of elusive and intangible things…poking about for clues and hints simply because questing is a pleasurable activity, no matter what one is looking for. And now, as a world-weary old philostopher who knows perfectly well that such avenues of thought consistently lead to dead ends, I’m like one of those seasoned fisherman who could care less if they land any fish. It’s all in the hunt.      

There’s one specific area in the realm of unknowables that still has me spinning the old brainwheels in philostophical speculation: the lingering questions of synchronistic events, which I’ll lump together here with what Carl Jüng called the “meaningful coincidence,” along with those just plain weird, exceedingly improbable occurrences that lack a name and defy categorization. It’s doubtful that anyone will ever come up with anything like a rational explanation for these ab-paranormal phenomena. Yet they’re part of day-to-day life; they happen to everyone, are utterly compelling and—despite what many people firmly believe—are not simply random events with no meaning or significance. Speaking for myself, the thought of dying and being reduced to powdered form without ever having uncovered at least a hint of what all these things signify, I find downright tragic. I’d really like to know….something. Anything! A crumb! 

 Then there’s this slant: human consciousness, in some sense, makes the world real…gives it meaning. Recalling the old chestnut about whether a tree falling makes a sound if no one is there to hear, a forceful argument can be made as to whether or not anything actually exists outside the human mind. We know that an object’s solidity is mere illusion; physical matter consists almost entirely of empty space—what we perceive as solid under our touch amounts to the mutual repulsion of electron clouds meeting between fingertip and table top. Colors are, in effect, pigments of our imagination; what we “see,” what we perceive as colorful images through our two skull-portholes, is nothing more than a vivid representation constructed by the brain. Say what you will about humanity and our overblown sense of how we figure in the grand scheme: we—and we alone—give reality substance through our perceptions. As I say, there’s a powerful line of reasoning backing the idea that, without our being here as witnesses, the world doesn’t really exist—a concept known as the Participatory Universe.

Here I am, getting all cerebral (again). But this is a good place to point out that people like James may have the proper perspective on all this. Maybe we really are best off letting certain notions alone. Maybe, since humans clearly have conceptual limitations, toying with imponderables is little more than self-indulgence, a petty and prideful minor vice, utterly pointless and a waste of precious time. I don’t know and can’t tell…but can’t seem to stop. I’m going to go with my gut on this one and keep probing. 

            But back to synchronicity and those other things. I’ve experienced some real doozies in my day. And freely admit that I have no inkling, not a single one, as to how to explain them. Which has always bothered me. They happen. They do. And seem to happen to me more often than they do to others. I’ve read that people who are prone to expecting to see connections, who are paying close attention to the world at large, are those most apt to find them. This makes sense and offers perhaps the closest thing I’ve come to an “explanation,” as it were. If so, it might be that a life-long study of nature (which after all is one endless lesson about interconnectedness) makes me predisposed to see myself as part of the whole shebang and I’m subconsciously seeking affirmation. 

At any rate, the surprising frequency and implausibility of the sort of events I’m referring to leads me to believe that they must have some sort of meaning…are of consequence…bear significance. None of these words fit; the English language comes up short, again (through no fault of its own). The best pseudo-clarification I’ve come up with is a   whimsical metaphor. Here goes: These special events are like hand-delivered messages from the Cosmos: There’s a knock: Telegram for a Mr. Fersell! Go to the door…take it, rip it open. Oh! It’s a message from the Universe! How nice! As presented earlier, perhaps it’s not too far fetched to imagine that the Universe wants to be aware of itself. The Universe needs…needs us…to make it real, bring it to life. In a manner of speaking, it appreciates our being here. Perhaps those ridiculously improbable, random-seeming occurrences are just a wonderful, wonder-filled world’s way of letting us know it’s thinking about us. And cares enough to drop a line from time to time. Just a little kindly reminder.

            I received one such cosmic telegram nine years ago on a New Year’s Day, a day that also happened to be the one-month anniversary of my settling in Santa Cruz County…one calendar month into initiating major life-changes that were contingent on this move, namely: I found a Home. I began living with Dylan, who would become my cherished wife; who gave me a second chance, who was at that moment entirely focused on the project of saving me from certain ruin. I began the hard work of confronting my addictions and depression, putting an end to a dark downward spiral. Gave up marijuana and quit drinking alcohol. At last. All this on the same day—the first of December, 2011. 

I have a long tradition of spending at least part of New Year’s Day outdoors. This was to be Dylan’s and my first new-year celebration and we were especially conscious of—and grateful for—this new beginning. This new life, together. Fittingly, it was a splendid, calm, cloudless California-winter day. (One of those.) Like spring. So we drove north up the coast highway a few miles to Waddell Creek, parked, and walked back down the cliff-bound beach as far as Greyhound Rock. Greyhound “Rock” is actually more of an oblong hillock of naked grey mudstone, perhaps a hundred feet high, located just offshore. Normally the rock is inaccessible with waves swirling in from both sides to wash up onto the sand-spit that they’ve piled up midway. But when the tide is out you can wade across, scramble up a narrow trail, and stroll around on top.

            The tide was low, just starting on its way back up so it was easy to cross. We’d been carrying our shoes since fording Waddell Creek but left them near the crest of the spit well above the tide’s reach, then gingerly waded across the mussel- and barnacle-plated slab before padding up the shaley path, a pair of literal tenderfoots. Greyhound Rock’s offshore side is cliffy and we settled down on a ledge directly above the water, gazing off toward Japan. For a good half hour we talked, grokking the sea, relishing this dazzling day. And, part of the time, just sat quietly absorbed in our own thoughts. I got up to wander around a couple of times and looked over at the shoes, thinking how silly it would be to watch them wash away and float out to sea like tiny boats. The tide was visibly rising now and they looked to be safe for quite a while yet but…. I thought, Why didn’t you just put ‘em way up higher and not even have to think about it, ya big dummy?

            It’d been nice walking barefoot on the cool, wet sand but we did that mincing, ooh!ahh!ooh!ahh!-thing down the narrow trail and then back across the barnacled reef. The cold seawater felt very refreshing. As we walked up the top of the little sand-spit to retrieve our shoes and socks I joked to Dylan about how embarrassing it would be to come back and find our footwear gone, washed away, how very contrary the ocean is, hah hah! We both reached down simultaneously to pick up our shoes and in the 

exact instant we lifted them off the sand a roguish wave swept in from behind, up the incline, swirled around our ankles, and washed over the top. The beach was fairly flat right there but no wave had come within twenty feet of our shoes until that one, nor had a wave crested the sand-spit since the previous ebbing tide. We didn’t see it coming—were just chatting away when we grabbed our shoes. The timing was utterly exquisite and we had a fine, hearty heart-to-heart laugh together along with high-fives, savoring the moment and smiling into each others’ eyes, all the love reflecting back.

            Knock knock knock! Telegram for Dylan and Tim! 

             

 ©2021Tim Forsell                                                                            20 May 2013, 1 Jan 2021                                                                                          

Thursday, December 24, 2020

Piute Log...Mystery at Barney Lake 2000

 27 May (Sat)    Memorial Day weekend patrol up Robinson Creek. First ride of the season! Before heading out, checked with the front desk. “Where you sending people these days?” (With snow levels still so low, not many places open yet.) Quite a few permits for Horse Creek, which means spring-skiers bound for Matterhorn Glacier. Decided on the spot to go up there first then continue to Barney Lake…see how far we can get past there. ◦◦◦◦◦ Heading out to the barn to collect Red, witnessed a most picturesque scene: two cowboys herding maybe fifty horses toward the Sweetwater Ranch pens there at the north end of the meadows near the Old Ranger Station. Yellow-headed blackbirds on the fence in that marshy place…meadows so-green-it-hurts receding toward distant snowy-craggy peaks. I was zooming along, caught up to then passed the galloping herd just as Sawtooth Ridge came up behind the lot—a calendar photo in motion. Two cars were pulled over there, tourists capturing a certified Kodak-moment. A stirring vignette, for sure. Particularly because it was so real. In the year 2000, here in Bridgeport Valley there are still a few gen-u-wine workin’ cowboys with gainfully-employed workin’ dogs out herding horses across a meadow-filled valley. (The breathtaking backdrop—pure bonus.) All of them, horses included, just going about their day-to-day lives. It certainly does capture the imagination, harking back to a different era entire. Not to over-romanticize but it’s a fact: cowboys are a Western archetype. ◦◦◦◦◦ Now, this was one of those Ultra-Spring days, everything all shiny and new. (My polarized sunglasses made the varied assortment of high clouds even more staged-looking against a chromatically enhanced blue-blue.) Mmmm-hmm. Sweet to be in the saddle again, riding a foxtrotting Cadillac-of-a-horse. Not many flowers yet but shrubs leafing out nicely. Twin Lakes spreading out below as we climbed up the side of the moraine. Lotsa boats dotting the lakes. ◦◦◦◦◦ Started passing skiers hiking in plastic boots carrying their heavy randoneé gear up the hot, humid switchbacks, a long ways from snow. All of them out for just a night or two. Awful lot of work for a few short runs and a night on the ground; a lot of driving at either end of the fun bits. The way we modern Americans recreate in the mountains has turned into a kinda twisted form of what used to be thought of as “relaxation.” For a bunch of the folks I talked with, this will be one of the best weekends of their year but…. Whoa, wait, stop the sermonizing right now, boy. You’re not even preaching to the choir—nobody’s listening. ◦◦◦◦◦ Met one party of eight. Bay Area, bunch of friends. Jawed with one fella who seemed to be the group leader. Talking about the backcountry, how fine the Sierra, guy drops that he just got back from a week’s sojourn in Ionian Basin (Kings Canyon NP) and I could “check out” his “website” if I wanted to see pictures. “Ummm…is this one of those ‘virtual tour’ deals I’ve been hearing about?” Yep. “Oh dear,” I said, “you’re one of those.” [While this may seem hard to believe, another decade would pass before I first used computers. At the time, I had only a few friends who were online and knew almost nothing about this thing called “the Web.”] This was me coming on a bit strong, I’m afraid. (More like downright-rude.) But he ignored my snide, superior tone and we had a good, friendly debate. He actually acceded one point when I lamented, “I know there’s no way to stop this but what REALLY makes me sad is how there are no more ‘secret places’ left.” One thing the fella said that shocked me was that he actually enjoys “seeing more people coming back here.” For him and his friends, going into the wilderness is a social thing. Told him, “Not for me. But, then, I’m a ‘solitude guy.’” We both grinned and shrugged and called it a draw. ◦◦◦◦◦ Carried on into the hanging valley, as far as the end of the meadows. Hit snow shortly thereafter and wheeled around. ◦◦◦◦◦ Back down in the valley and on the main trail. Many many day-users heading for Barney Lake. Ran into one of the elderly-est people I’ve ever seen in the woods—a woman pushing ninety with (presumably) her daughter who was not exactly no spring chicken herself. The matron was well preserved and extremely well made-up. They’d been aiming for the lake but decided to turn back where the switchbacks began. The old gal was looking beat already. Pretty darn spry, though—one of those 88-year-olds at the Leisure Village who walk every day and join aerobic dance classes. She’ll break 100, no sweat. ◦◦◦◦◦ At Barney, went on early-season trash hunt. No beach to speak of yet with the high water. Lingering snowpatches in shaded spots, the main campsites all soggy-boggy. Found some last-year’s trash. ◦◦◦◦◦ On a whim, decided to leave Ranger Washburn a “present.” Here’s the deal: Just before you get to the lake, forty feet west of the trail and buried under leaf duff in the scrawny aspens, there’s this pile of galvanized metal sheeting. I first stumbled on it, trash-hunting, back around ‘85 or ’86—some kinda weird roofing tin, no idea what it was for. Didn’t give it much thought at the time. Today, kinda amazed that it only took me about two minutes to find it again. For years I’d planned on packing it all out. Time to carpé the diem y’all! (I’ll be bringing in Colin’s basecamp gear soon; maybe he can hack it all up with a Pulaski and crush the pieces and we’ll pack ‘em out.) ◦◦◦◦◦ So I drug the junk out from under a thick pile of duff, three ten-foot-long sections. Upon inspection it looks to have been some sort of watercraft. Hard to explain but two of the pieces were like square, galvanized chimney pipe material flattened out, with one end carefully cut and soldered into an upcurved nose like a sled. Some sorta pontoon-boat affair? The third section had a short wooden plank across the back end with hand-forged iron ring bolted to it, suggesting the stern of a narrow boat. Looks plenty old, whatever it was. I’d love to know the story behind this. Be interesting to hear what Colin thinks.

            

       → 12 miles           → 66 visitors           → 2 lbs trash

 

Not long after, this mystery was at least partially solved. On a whim, I asked Bart Cranney about it one day thinking he might know something. He did: Bart said that, years ago (1960s?), there’d been a little dock up at Barney with this funky home-made boat. Apparently, fishermen could “rent” it for the day and get a key at Mono Village that unlocked the chain. Well! And I don’t recall what happened to the remains. I don’t believe they ever got packed out and may still be up there hidden under the aspens, which is where I should’ve left them in the first place. Hope so. Historical artifacts, at this point.

 

        ©2020 Tim Forsell                                                                               15 Dec 2020              

Piute Log...Where's My Hat? 2001

 When it comes to Himalayan climbing literature, it’s a truism that books about successful expeditions just don’t “sell.” The climb may have been extremely difficult, loaded with frightful hazards, suffering, near-misses, and frostbit digits; it may be an account of one of the Last Great Problems, pulled off in impeccable style by some of the worlds best alpinists. But if no one dies, the book won’t sell. Okay, the analogy isn’t perfectly apt but in some ways I face a similar situation here: maintaining interest levels when everything goes well, when there’s no catastrophes. ◦◦◦◦◦ One of the best things about life as a Wilderness ranger is that something interesting—something amazing, or inspiring, or just plain awful—happens virtually every day. In my journals there were hardly ever days with absolutely nothing worth recounting—even if it was just a nifty bird sighting or out of the ordinary visitor encounter. On the other hand, an average day in ranger-world doesn’t always make for riveting reading. Cutting fallen trees out of the trail with a crosscut saw has a certain primitive appeal, maybe, but no one is interested in details about digging waterbars or pruning willows or installing signs or checking Wilderness permits. A lot of my log entries include rants about this and that (I’m a ranter by nature) or me venting about the atrocious behavior of idiots-on-vacation. Such things get stale in a hurry. Even the close encounters with forest critters might start to get a little old. Glorious sunsets: use judiciously. But search & rescues, anything involving bears—real fan favorites. But—lucky for me—not too many of those to share. ◦◦◦◦◦ I first copied what follows way back in 2014 but never finished the editing. In the meantime, I’ve posted a disproportionate number of entries that centered on livestock-related adversity. These certainly qualify as stimulating reads, especially the ones where I…or the horse…or both of us “coulda died.” Also, there’s this: an invaluable tip I got from my mentor, Lorenzo—a masterful raconteur. Lorenzo said that, when telling stories about yourself, “It’s better to be the goat than the hero. You don’t wanna always be the hero of your own stories. People start to get bored.” As it happens, in most of my stock-debacle entries I’m hapless victim, at best. But more often than not, I’ve done something foolish and it’s me being me at my very worst. ◦◦◦◦◦ So I’m going to post yet another semi-embarrassing misadventure narrative—the dramatic conclusion to a summer of mostly peace and plentitude—my nineteenth season on the Bridgeport Ranger District.

 

17 Oct (Wed)    Leaving tomorrow so big day ahead. So many “things”! To do! As in: everything gets stored away—moved somewhere else, put in a can, hung on a wall. This pile of papers here has to be sorted, that jar of stuff I never ate, emptied and cleaned or thrown out. This and that…then there’s that…and oh this, too. Plus what seems like five-hundred other micro-chores. ◦◦◦◦◦ Got down to it. Chopped firewood (in case of winter emergency break-in). Oiled my chaps and boots. At one point, went out to take care of something and heard loud whoosh of flapping big-bird wings not far behind and overhead. Figured it was just a raven, didn’t give it much thought, but turned to look and, whoa! That “raven” has a pure white head and white tail! Huge bird! BALD EAGLE fly-by!! It flew right over my head, no more than thirty feet away, circled overhead a few times, climbing fast, lookin’ me right in the eye. And then…gone. Wow. Few minutes later, I went out to look for it. Directly overhead but very high, higher than hawks usually soar, three big birds. Too close to the sun for me to see head color. Went for my binoculars but before I made it back to the yard they’d up’n disappeared (as soaring raptors can do in an instant). I’m pretty sure it was three eagles. And that’s when I noticed an entire sky’s-worth of assorted crazy clouds, variations on a cirrus theme, with a gleaming 52° halo around the sun. It was that kinda day. ◦◦◦◦◦ After lunch, cleared the porch, shifted tools into the cabin, stored unused food and grain, swamped out ice chests. Shitbird finally deigned to show himself late into the afternoon. (That there is one gallivantin’ kitty….) To tire him further, maybe get him to sleep more tonight, we went on a hike. Scrambled up to the viewpoint across the river. Rookie cat followed with little enthusiasm. He lagged behind but finally made it. Sat and admired the meadow and surrounding peaks from that fine vantage—my own personal domain—while he prowled around. Had one last bath at dusk and with it came the gift of a brand new river-insight. ◦◦◦◦◦ The gravel bar (where I bathe most days) changes shape every year and last spring’s flood left it much broader than in prior years. And today I finally “got” something I’ve missed. Okay: Spring floods scour the riverbed, deepening its holes. But all that sand & gravel isn’t simply washed away; much of it gets re-deposited almost immediately—shoveled into inside bends or dumped just downstream of the newly deepened holes, relocated into eddy zones. The size of sand & gravel deposits below fresh-scoured holes is proportional to the deepness of the hole. And just now, I finally was able to grok the connection between my deeper-than-usual swimmin’ hole and much-enlarged—longer, broader—gravel bar. It’s all physics…fluid dynamics, eddy patterns, wave action. Waves! (So many things boil down to waves!) But ain’t it grand that I can keep on learning how things work in the mountain environment simply by seeing and watching and figgerin’ stuff out? It! Never! Ends! ◦◦◦◦◦ After dark I lit the bonfire—junk-wood piled months ago, awaiting immolation. A fine ritual, this last-night-at-the-cabin burn. Kitties came over to watch, even. I wonder what they make of those ten foot flames? At a safe distance they showed no fear but didn’t exactly look spellbound, either. ◦◦◦◦◦ Kept on working. Making good headway and I’m farther along than usual. This was day #103 at the cabin this year. (Just counted.) Despite this season’s brevity, spent more time back here than I have in recent years. My one true home! 

 

18 Oct (Thu)     Blocked the cat door last night with my cast-iron griddle. Shitbird woke me in the wee hours, wanting out. Naturally, he was outraged at having his civil liberties denied and protested in cat-fashion by clawing & scratching, pacing & mrrow!ing without cease. Pissed off was he! Messed up my sleep, thankyouverymuch, but I expected as much. Finally just got up. Still dark. It was 26° F, utterly still…that profound silence, such a marvelous thing to “hear.” Venus just up over the ridge when I looked. ◦◦◦◦◦ Got to work. This day always has a special edge, an urgency…every action directed at one final goal: shutting the metal door, clang. Much stuff yet to do. Thought I was on top of things but, of course, there’s always the unanticipated “extras.” Like: taking both cats, separately, on walks so they’d go potty. Would’ve already hung up all the leftover FS bigwig-trip sleeping bags in the loft to keep rodents from harvesting stuffing for nest material but, as a Certified Feline Psychologist I knew that altering the cats’ bedroom scene would alert them that something was up and they’d disappear. So that took awhile plus I put off to the last minute writing up an entire season’s-worth of Incident Reports (basically, tickets for people who didn’t get caught). To me, THE MOST absurd of rangerly duties but allegedly important, being one concrete way to alert higher-ups that we need more Wilderness funding. So I spent a good hour and a half writing up completely bogus IRs, Lorenzo-style, making up an assortment of the usual travesties and knaveries that I find after the villains have fled the scene. Wolfed down some chow, chewing while loading panniers and washing last dishes. Horses already caught and fed. Like the cats, they could tell something big was up. When I’d go out to stir the ashes of last night’s bonfire they’d shoot me these pointed, questioning looks using subtle eyebrow and ear innuendo. ◦◦◦◦◦ This was I think the third time I’ve closed the cabin. Most years, people come up after I’m gone. I prefer doing it myself if only because it lends a real sense of completing a cycle. Got up on the roof, closed the skylight covers, then put up the shutters. Suddenly, the cabin’s very dark inside, in broad daylight. Weird. Had to light a lantern. Covered bookshelves with another tarp. Cupboard now bare with doors wide open (so Ursa won’t bother to rip them off their hinges as per the ’87 break-in). Both cats were crashed-out in the loft. One of the last chores is piling all four mattresses on the table. This left kitties huddled in the dark on the loft’s bare floor, their various beds all gone. These final chores are unsettling; everything homey about the place has been taken away and “home” is suddenly gone. Within the space of an hour my summer abode turned into a dark, lifeless cave—a far cry from July with light streaming in, tall bouquet on the table, everything in its proper place. Makes me sad in a way I find hard to express. That leave-taking thing. ◦◦◦◦◦ The very last task prior to shutting the metal door is sacking cats. Horses and mule waiting at the rail. (Piute saddled, Zack loaded, Tom saddled but with no load; Brenda naked except for halter and free to follow.) Cats, protesting, forced into burlap sacks; sacks duck taped shut and gingerly placed inside nosebags, tail-end at the bottom. The cats (who’ve been here since Solstice—almost four months) reacted with proper feline outrage. Both instantly went into claustrophobic frenzies with attendant yowlings. They hate this part but in a few hours it’ll all be over and forgotten til next time. Closed and locked metal door behind me. Without cats to deal with, I’d take a short break at this juncture, stroll around the place one last time, looking everything over, absorbing the lights & sounds and fluffing up my sense of gratitude. The feline frenzy precludes this moment of quiet appreciation and forces me to just go. They went silent when I hung their nosebags off my saddlehorn, one on either side. Red’s always cool with this; not so, Piute. Bagged cats make him nervous. Finally underway at 2:30. (Eight hours already, with no breaks.) ◦◦◦◦◦ And this is where things got “interesting.” Two minutes out, across the river and up onto the trail, something spooked my string from behind and—just like that [raise left hand and snap fingers]—my saddlehorse is galloping full tilt, front gate up ahead. I’ve only experienced this once before, some years back, after a close lightning strike. Instant panic-and-flee response, lots of things happening at once. Piute accelerated so fast! I dropped Tom’s lead and went for the horn and in doing so lost my reins. Reaching down with free hand, trying to latch the reins, out of the corner of my eye I see a wide-eyed Brenda come up on the right. She’d been at the rear, had spooked at something—or nothing—and then precipitated panic by ramming into Zack (heard that) who then charged Tom. Terror spread through the ranks. I felt it coming from behind, into my horse and through his body into my thighs and seat. With the adrenaline surge I went out of myself and into survival mode—certain perceptions heightened, others thrown overboard. Gate coming up fast. No room! Giant mule just off my right hip, cats howling. I finally got hold of the reins and tried to haul Piute in. He jammed on the breaks and his rapid deceleration caused the cat-bags to swing up wildly and slam back down (like my ass was being slammed into the saddle). Pitiful lament from both cats, me just hanging onto my saddlehorn and trying to hold down the leaping catbags. Then Shitbird was gone—his bag empty and flapping. Gate just ahead: No! Room! Brenda veered hard off to the right and it looked like she’d crash into that old downed log but then skidded to a stop, spun ‘round, and resumed galloping—back up the trail the way we’d come. All this happened at just about exactly the same time and in my condensed state I only witnessed bits of the action. Never even saw the two packhorses. Got Piute slowed down and stopped, maybe ten yards shy of the gate. I wheeled around and saw my sacked cat lying right at the edge of the trail, giant mule heading right for him. She ran right over him and sprinted off. My blood froze. Fearing the worst, I rode over to the sack…wave of relief seeing it untrampled, cat unsmashed, then looked up to see a cloud of dust rising behind three terrified four-leggers heading for Kirkwood Pass in a big hurry. I quick plopped Shitbird’s sack back into the nosebag and went in pursuit. Piute (now completely freaked) was doing a crow-hop dance making my poor kitties wail anew. Jumped off him and dropped both catbags there by the trail. I was furious. Wordlessly, angrily wondering why—on this gorgeous autumn day, symbolic day of departure—must I be subjected to mortal fear? What just happened?! ◦◦◦◦◦  Dashed up the trail and caught up with the three fugitives a quarter mile off. They’d slowed to a walk by this time but our sudden arrival set them off again and they all trotted down into the meadow toward a steep drop-off into the river. I was raving insanely, screaming at them to STOP! STOP! Ringleader Brenda, loose, leading Tom with Zack roped behind him. (Of course!—mules are always the ringleaders.) I leapt off Piute and lunged for Tom’s dragging lead-rope—Gotcha! But then my knavish saddlehorse walks away and I had to chase himaround. Piute doing his standard cagey act, like he does even in the corral—turning and wheeling away right when you go to nab him. Meanwhile, the other three stooges wander off again, la la-la. Final insult: Piute proceeded to wade across the river and I plunged in after him, up to my knees, before he finally let me take hold of his reins mid-stream. I’d lost it completely—an out-of-control, trembling heap of fury in sloshing-wet boots. This is when sane men commit murder. But I got back on Piute with Tom in tow and headed back to collect my traumatized kitties. Brenda followed meekly behind. ◦◦◦◦◦ The cats were still and seemed to be okay when I poked their sacks. (Plaintive, questioning meow?s in response.) Then noticed my hat was missing. Where’s my hat? So I had to go off in search of lost Stetson. Tied up all three horses and Brenda, too. Retraced my “steps” but couldn’t recall the exact sequence—it was all a blur. This is the place where we scraped under the lodgepole branches…but, no, it wasn’t there. This is where we dropped into the meadow…I think. No hat. Went back and tried again. Did it fall in the river when I waded after Piute and float away? Rode back toward the front gate and finally found it by the trail where Piute’s grinding-to-a-halt had bounced it off my head. ◦◦◦◦◦  Finally able to retrieve the cats. (In our absence, Shitbird managed to crawl/roll a dozen feet, his sack now studded with pine needles.) Got underway again and through the front gate—forward progress at last!—forty-five minutes after my day blew up. I felt downright ill. Following adrenal-discharge there’s this half-mental, half-physical deflation—a queasy, weak-in-the-knees, not-fully-in-your-skin sensation, most unpleasant. Mixed in with complete outrage that this had happened when it did and…period. How did I end up with those three drones on this last tour? Why didn’t you tie Brenda on, idiot? You should know better by now! As we went along, details started coming back and I replayed them over and over again. Throat felt raw like when you’re catching a cold and I realized it was from all the yelling, which I barely noticed at the time. Sickened by how close I’d come to losing the mini-lion and how that could’ve gone. Add thoroughly disgusted by how I’d handled myself. Shocked by how quickly and easily a perfectly fine day turned to vinegar. ◦◦◦◦◦ Mercifully, the stock all settled right down. Piute, on the other hand, was sketchy all the way out. The whole debacle hit me really hard. The helplessness. I’ve experienced so many moments of crisis—with the stock and while climbing—but have rarely felt quite so out-of-control. Had a lot to do with my feline wards’ lives being endangered. And my abominable behavior. The rest of the ride I coughed with raw throat (I hardly ever yell) and felt drained and diminished. At the Fremont junction, still so distracted that I forgot to stop and retrieve my stashed shovel. Upon remembering, a mile later, I felt bad all over again. ◦◦◦◦◦ It was actually a perfect Indian summer day in spite of all this noise and I finally came around enough to enjoy it. In dry years the aspens up here sometimes turn orange—some of them almost red—and if no big winds come the leaves just hang on and continue quaking. Today I saw some of the finest displays yet. Brilliant orange and scarlet clones mixed tastefully with piney greens, backed by volcanic cliffs in earthy shades of brown. Nary a soul did I see. (In fact, the trail crew were the only humans I saw this whole tour.) ◦◦◦◦◦ Got out at dusk. Drove to the barn, weary in my soul. It was dark before everything was done. Nobody had fed so I had to haul a couple wheelbarrow loads of hay out to the corral. Said goodbye to Red and old Valiente but they were only interested in hay. A kinda sad way to end the season. Cats were in the cab, waiting. Stopped by Greta’s. Of course she asked how it’d gone. Told her, curtly, that I’d just had “a terrible experience”—her face fell—but it was “gonna have to wait til tomorrow.” ◦◦◦◦◦ At the warehouse, off-loaded cats (Whoo-hoo!) plus all my crates and sacks various. Paused for the first time in 13 hours to stand, facing west, and watch a thin crescent moon set over Rickey Peak. Filthy and beat but unable to shower, alas. Cruel irony! Shower shut off for winter! But thanks to a big can of Chunky®Soup, I was able to eat something like dinner. Had picked up a newspaper on my way through town; since I was last here there’s been anthrax infections, delivered via U.S. mail. We live in interesting times. And that’s how I finished off the 2001 season, Amen.

 

       ©2020 Tim Forsell                                                                                      12 Dec 2020

Monday, December 7, 2020

Piute Log...Easy Catch 2000

 3 Oct     Wind blew hard, the whole night through. Finally calmed down before first light. Woke up stiff and feeling pretty beaten down from yesterday’s effort, as expected. Got a fire going then sat by the stove to read my book about planets (the other eight), sip Postem, and pet Lucy. All at the same time. Mostly took the day off—not only because I needed/deserved one (just counted—only two real days-off in the last seventeen) but so’s to be rested and whole tomorrow for packing out trailcrew. ◦◦◦◦◦ Went to check on the stock as soon as I got up. Nobody to be seen nowhere nohow. After breakfast, took a walk with Shitbird to the top of the quarry [my name for a nearby vantage point at the edge of the meadow] and spotted the equine fugitives on the farthest hillside meadow southeast of here, a mile away as the eagle flies. (Also, the place where last-best green grass grows.) ◦◦◦◦◦ Later, took another stroll—this time with Lucy—down to the mouth of the gorge to admire those lovely polished rocks, newly exposed in gravel bars left high and dry by the river’s scouring out a new, deeper path through there in last spring’s big runoff. Elegant water-worn hunks of stripy metamorphic rock. This followed by reading, writing (no arithmetic) and a long mid-day zonk up in the loft flanked by two soft, furry critters…sheer comfiness. ◦◦◦◦◦ Day’s last task: lure equines into the pasture to hasten tomorrow’s departure. They were allllll the way back on that far hillside. (No surprise…that’s where I’d be grazing.) Kept a lookout for them as the day wore down and waited til last sun, then headed off with nosebag slung over my shoulder and one halter. Crossed on the log at Vidal’s camp and got just below the rise they were on, still out of sight, and did my here’s-the-grain-come-and-get-it whistle. Heard, instantly, a flurry of hooves in grass—a pleasant sound—and felt a big smile spread across my face. Ha! Gotcha! Too easy! Timing is everything: they were well-fed, satiated and satisfied, maybe even a little bored, and the sun was leaving. I just turned around and walked home. They all fell in and followed me in a line, all the way to the cabin. And the four most recalcitrant, knavish, hardest-to-catch, most-addicted-to-grain of the lot all walked straight into the corral. Locked ‘em up without ever having looked at or spoken to or touched any of them. It was a textbook catch, (partially) making up for some of my worst-ever debacles earlier this season. Timing is absolutely critical and there are some fairly subtle psychological elements involved, all learned through experience. Horses—and especially mules—teach valuable life-lessons if you’re willing to pay close attention to patterns and learn from the fiascos. Regardless, the penalty for doing things the wrong way is swift and sure. Boy oh boy, can I attest to that! Working with the equine kind is definitely one of those Zen kinda things. Which, I suppose, is why I both love and (sometimes) loathe them. Because they’ll make you look in the mirror and see some idiot staring back.

 

Copied on the first page of this volume of the Piute Log:

 

I find you, Lord, in all things and in all

my fellow creatures, pulsing with your life;

as a tiny seed you sleep in what is small

and in the vast you vastly yield yourself.

 

The wondrous game that power plays with things

is to move in such submission through the world:

groping in roots and growing thick in trunks

and in treetops like a rising from the dead.

 

                                                                        —Rilke

 

“And horseback, unlike any other area of his life, he never lost his temper, which, in horsemen, is the final mark of the amateur.”

                                                                                     —Tom McGuane, Nobody’s Angel

 

 

        ©2020 Tim Forsell                                                                                           6 Dec 2020    

Sunday, December 6, 2020

Piute Log...Lost Pilgrims 2000

 20 Aug (Sun)    Leisurely breakfast and coffee-fueled gab. Greta and Linda packing up to leave but it was pert near to noon before they got underway with three packhorses in tow. (Hauling out all the gear left behind by fish’n’frog folk [biologists] last week.) Too late to head off on my planned patrol oh well so instead opted to tackle a longstanding, and I mean long-standing  project: build new front gate. ◦◦◦◦◦ To that end, started by hauling giant cedar post across the river—one of the two that have been out behind the cabin with other junk probably since the place was built. And planted it, good and deep. Three women hailing from Santa Cruz passed by. One of them, Sue, I’ve talked with on several previous occasions. They were camped upmeadow. I got invited up for cocktails but declined—ready for a quiet evening at home after having visitors the last few nights. Worked on the gate til 7:00, almost finished it, then got in the river, ahh. Haven’t been up in the hammock for days. Am now. Skyline rose, blotting out the sun.

21 Aug (Mon)     Went up to stony camp early to visit Sue, Ann, and Margaret. That be me seizing the day, female contact-wise. It’s a kind of food. Nice converse, sitting in the dirt in full morning sun with the river right there singing us a soft song. Walking back, picked this tour’s table bouquet. ◦◦◦◦◦ ‘Nother project: hauled dirt from round corral to hitch rail—“dirt” being the mix of manure, sand, soil, and crushed pine cones that accumulates around the perimeter of the corral. Every few years I use this handy source of fill to fill in the pits at the hitchrail—pits dug by grumpy fidgety equines, deepened further by cloudburst runoff. Hauled fourteen wheelbarrow loads in between a constant stream of August-type visitors. ◦◦◦◦◦ First, an older Japanese couple from Bart’s basecamp in Walker Meadows. Back in camp, hearing that their dayhike included visiting a “ranger station,” the woman asked Becky [camp cook], “Are there any shops?” She’d maybe want to purchase a Club Piute T-shirt…perhaps a coffee mug or some locally made craftwork! Becky apparently straightened her out. To her credit, the woman told me this story herself, poking fun at her city-slickerishness. Speaking of which, when she found out there were cats living here, I explained that these weren’t pets, they were working-cats, “RPOs—Rodent Patrol Officers, ha ha.” My joke (I think it’s pretty funny) didn’t really go over—they didn’t get the FS thing of there being acronyms ending with “O” for every job position. The woman was absolutely incredulous when I told her that my half-wild kitties caught and devoured mice. For a living, as it were. Really: she could hardly believe it. That the cats could—would—actually catch mice. And then eat them, ee-uww! Ick! I really had to work at convincing her I wasn’t just pulling her leg. Now that’s city slicker. ◦◦◦◦◦ Then Becky arrived on horseback with another base-camper, a self-described grandmother who was pretty scared by her horse but loved the cabin. Lotsa gab on the porch, a quick tour of the inside, and I tried to sneak in some Wilderness propaganda. Another group passed by but didn’t stop. (I checked their permit for show.) Lastly, two guys on horseback, all western, bound for Howard Black’s [an established camp at the head of the meadow] just said hi and kept going. ◦◦◦◦◦ When everybody finally left, went out to finish up the gate. Hadn’t been at it but a few minutes when I heard voices, looked up, and saw a woman with four young children in tow coming down the hill. They came to a stop. The mom was clearly at wits end, frazzled, scared, the whole package. “We’re lost. Have you seen a man with two kids and a burro?” … ”Nope. No burros today,” I replied, dead-pan. At this, she visibly collapsed. I was facing her from just the other side of my brand-new gate. She was in a state of clinical shock—had that glassy-eyed stare, and without even looking grabbed the top strand of the gate, which had barb-wire wrapped around it, to steady herself. Twice I admonished her to watch out but she didn’t even hear me. The littler kids with daypack-sized backpacks, alternately staring at me and shooting their mom worried glances. ◦◦◦◦◦ This was their first backpack trip as a family. Six kids in all; oldest fifteen, the youngest just three, good lord. They’d borrowed a burro from a friend and it was “giving us problems,” she said. Problems? A burro? Imagine that! For one thing, the burro kept wanting to go “too fast.” So the husband/dad and two of the kids forged ahead with plans to find a camp, unload, then come back and get the others’ packs. He had all the food and shelter with him. She didn’t know where camp was but the husband had mentioned a “Lower Piute Meadows” and what are they gonna do? I figured they’d missed each other while husband/dad was off looking for a site and she’d kept going. It was hard to get anything useful out of her. The fifteen-year-old suggested they wait here while he went back but she snapped, “No! I am NOT splitting this family into THREE groups!” I wasn’t too keen on getting involved just then but told her, “Look—I’ll saddle my horse and go find them. You all stay here and try not to worry.” ◦◦◦◦◦ Fortunately, the horses were right there and when I got back, mom was sitting on a little folding camp chair with the remains of her brood clustered around, granola bars in hand. She’d regained some composure and we looked at their map. Then I dashed off but only got a hundred yards or so before here comes a tiny little girl followed by a shaggy burro followed by more kids and a more-than-disgruntled dad bringing up the rear. There was steam coming out of his ears. “She’s right down there,” I pointed. He says to no one in particular, “…doesn’t know when to stop. She walks past THREE signs and keeps going….” More or less muttering to himself. He was really pissed. He’d told her Lower Piute but, when I talked to her, she’d seemed unclear of the final destination and I pointed out that there’s no sign at “Lower Piute Meadows.” Sure ‘nuf, the mom contingent had passed while he was off unloading. Now he was trying to chase them down. ◦◦◦◦◦ I headed back to the cabin, turned Red loose, then went over to see how they were doing. By then the adults had hashed it out, everybody was smiling, just about to take off again. We had a quick debrief and I asked, “Well…what did you learn from this?” Dad, vehemently: ”Never split up your group!” Told them how twice I’ve had lost Scoutmasters. Got themselves lost by splitting off from the group, forging ahead in unfamiliar country, not stopping at trail forks to wait—that it’s altogether too easy for there to be confusion. And what happened to them was a classic example of why you should always stay together—especially if you have six children and a borrowed dunkey. The whole clan headed back to Lower Piute (wished I’d asked them where they were from) and I finally finished my new gate. Only took me ten years or so to knock off this project.

 

 

            ©2020 Tim Forsell                                                                              6 Dec 2020